Cold Turkey
by TeslaJo
Summary: D discovers he has an addiction and has to deal with it.


Cold-Turkey (One-Shot)

By TeslaJo

Rated PG

Warnings: Spoilers for end of manga. No beta-reader for this either.

I hang my head in shame now at the number of times I belittled the detective for his addiction to those cigarettes. I use to laugh at those mortals for their lack of self-control. I being a kami of course have all the virtues they lack or so I used to believe.

It's strange how the habit becomes an addiction. At first it starts out as an indulgence that you could take or leave, but its so much more fun to take than leave. Somehow it works out in your life that the indulgence becomes a bit more common. And then one day you wake up and you know you need it and want it. You tell yourself you can quit at anytime, but you don't want to. You live in that denial until the realization is there that just quitting isn't going to be so easy.

Some say the easiest way is to wean yourself off from it, but that almost never works. It is simply too easy to backslide and cheat and once again proving that your attempt to quit is a failure. Others say you must go "Cold-Turkey". Stop at once and never touch it again to make a clean break. All it takes is self-control that I as a kami should have an abundance of. This method is also preferred if any further indulgences in the addiction may be life threatening.

So I went cold turkey. Oh if only I knew what it was like before, I think some humans may have had more sympathy when they were faced with a similar plight. That first day I so wanted to break it, have others help me break it so it wasn't my fault, but it wasn't meant to be. Oblivious as always my addiction walked away. Sooner than I hoped, the realization kicked in and it was already praying on my mind. I heartily recommend finding something to keep your mind off of it. I found trying to flee across the country while being pursued worked wonders for me most of the time. However my escape was not to be.

I was once again made to confront my addiction. The shame I felt about it with my father there was enormous. I just hoped I was doing a good job of hiding it. And that is the true sign of an addiction out of control. Having to hide the problem because you know its hurtful to you and can't stand the thought of others knowing what you can't help doing to yourself.

Perhaps with the others' watchful eyes I might have held on better, longer. All too soon I was left alone once more to deal with my problem. I could try to use the excuse that all the shocks of the day lowered my defenses and I was simply seeking comfort within familiarity. Excuse or no excuse I can admit that I had a lapse and oh what a one it was.

I just couldn't leave my addiction alone with that fire about to destroy it, "What a waste it would be." So I took it with me. I brought it to a place that it should never be in the first place.

Ah sweet temptation I had to hold it.

_Raised hands touched the naked chest before him, feeling the heat of the skin and muscles flex beneath his hands, seeing the chest become all the more beautiful._

And the smell of it.

_Drawing close almost like a cat with mouth hanging open near a throat to breathe in better the smell of life._

Oh I needed to taste it.

_Tongue darting out to lap at the chest and draw up the neck to suck in an earlobe and give it a nibble and sensing the shiver from the owner of this body in front of him._

Stand face to face with my addiction.

_Looking into blue eyes that were fired up with a different type of passion than what I usually saw for me._

I realized that I had to make a choice. I took a deep breath and did the right thing and "just say no" and pushed my addiction away.

So here I am having gone cold turkey to my addiction. I will admit that this time is harder. The withdrawal is the worst. I am always cranky and very short o patience. I am trying to deal with the cravings, but I must not be doing very well. You would think that time would start to make it easier, but I haven't noticed that the cravings have gotten any weaker.

Perhaps they are even getting stronger because just the other day T-chan offered to go out onto the streets and find my addiction. His offer of getting me my fix when he was one of those that so shunned my addiction in the first place is proof enough of how bad its been lately, but I must be strong.

Oh well someone is at the door. I hope this customer will do a good job of keeping my mind occupied even if it's just a short while. However when I look up at the blonde hair hanging freely on broad shoulders and almost trying to cover the blue eyes I see carrying a look of confusion within them I know this is no mere customer but my addiction once again facing me in the flesh.

As I stare I imagine running my fingers through that golden mane and remember the taste and smell of him that I indulged myself in before I realize something. That old commercial was wrong, "I DO want to be a junkie when I grow up."


End file.
